Hatchet (2007)

continued...

... pal Marcus (Deon Richmond) cuz all he can do is brood about is his ex-girlfriend. Ben drags Marcus on a night tour to see some ghosts. Finally we assemble our cast of soon to be victims. The guys meet the tour guide Shawn (Perry Shen) who is an Asian guy with a terrible Cajun accent...so I guess we could call him...Ca-sian? Boo. Mr. and Mrs. Permateo (Richard Riehle and Patrika Darbo) the older touristy couple looking for an adventure. Shapiro (Joel Murray) the director of Bayou Beavers and his two girls gone wild Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti). And last but not least a quiet girl named Mary Beth (Tamara Feldman) who's brood matches Ben's. The tour gets off to a shaky start and the boat hits a huge rock and starts to sink. It starts to rain and the tour group is forced into the woods to look for a road back into town. Mary Beth tells the group the story of Victor Crowley and tells them their right in front of his house. And with the grace and obviousness of a Star Search intro...Victor jumps out and rips the old couple apart. Yay gore...frigging took ya long enough. The rest of the group runs for their lives and start to get picked off one by one.

For the most part I felt betrayed..."Old School American Horror" really just meant "Old Stolen Horror Cliches." Given, the death scenes are really really great. Awesome gratuitous gore which I am a huge fan of. But the rest of the film tries way too hard to be funny, so it just doesn't mesh. Other horror films combine comedy and horror so well, so it's not like "Hatchet" was trying out something new. Too bad. My prediction is that if "Hatchet" gets a sequel it will be called "Hatchet 2 : Victor Vs. Sloth."

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