Don't Go in the Woods Alone (1980)

Acting:		Partying:		Girls:
Blood:		Language:		Gore:
Violence:		Humor:		Sexuality:
Torture:		Predictability:		Overall:

One of the first things you may notice while watching the DVD transfer of "Don't Go In the Woods ... Alone!" is the scratches and abrasions that mark the opening sequence.

Perhaps you may think it's a shoddy restoration job, but a little digging around the disc and you'll find that this 1980 ultra-cheap slasher (which gained infamy for being labeled one of the UK's first "video nasties") was shot on "short ends" and expired film stock. "Shot ends" is industry-speak for cinematic afterbirth – yards of unused film leftover after footage is shot for unquestionably more competent films.

It is rather fitting that this cinematic detritus is used to shoot Don't Go In the Woods ... Alone!, an unquestionable aberration and compilation of film school no-nos that has somehow garnered a sizable cult following since its release almost three decades ago.

Filmed in must be the most popular hiking area of all the mountains in Utah, an endless procession of pinheads wander the titular woods (not all of them ...Alone!, mind you) and are systematically hacked apart by a disgruntled maniac, colorfully named "Maniac" in the credits. For its seemingly remote setting, it seems to be rather accessible to even the most novice of outdoors men, considering some of the victims include a fey ornithologist (or orn-a-thologist as the rotund town sheriff refers to him), an obese muu-muu-draped nag, a short-shorts-sporting rollerskater (on a gravel road, no less) and a man in a wheelchair.

While any of these character are infinitely more interesting in their seconds of screen time, we are burdened with the blandest bunch of campers to ever strap on a backpack – Peter (Jack McClellend), Ingrid (Mary Gail Artz), Craig (James P. Hayden) and Joanie (Angie Brown). If their expressionless acting does not immediately jar you, their incredibly stagy voice-over work certainly will. Despite the fact that they are hiking through such high-altitude climes, their voices sounds as though they delivered their lines from the comforts of their couches.

Hayden, as Craig, is particularly distinguishable... as he read his lines... as though there was... a dramatic pause needed... between every third or fourth... word in the script (presuming their even was a script).
It's hard to ...

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