Hatchet (2007)

Acting:		Partying:		Girls:
Blood:		Language:		Gore:
Violence:		Humor:		Sexuality:
Torture:		Predictability:		Overall:

I was way hyped about seeing "Hatchet"...the tag line was "Old School American Horror." Such a sucker I am. The film is mostly a hopeful vehicle for a new horror star...Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder). He tries to be funny, not verbally but physically...and see, funny is Freddy's gig. He tries to work the deformed killer white trash thing...and see, deformed killer white trash is Leatherface's gig. So, Victor Crowley ain't too original...more like Sloth from "The Goonies" gone mental. More mental? Well, either way, put a sleeveless Superman t-shirt on him and call it a day. Ohh scary.

We open on a dark night on a Louisiana swamp. Two men are 'gator huntin'. Sampson (Robert Englund)...yes, Robert Englund in a swamp, ah brings back memories of that Tobe Hooper classic "Eaten' Alive"...and his son, Ainsley (Joshua Leonard) are about to wrap up then night when daddy realizes he can't go home happy unless he catch the last huge 'gator he saw. Bad idea to stick around cuz something...or someone rips both of the men apart. I really appreciate the unforgiving gore in this movie. However, they do lots of shots of blood flying through the air which could be a homage to many B-movies, but I just wasn't feeling it. After these two men are gutted we cut to the opening credits. I think in my last review how I love a prologue...I may have to rescind the comment. It's only the first 5 minutes and "Hatchet" is already trying too hard to be...funny, edgy. Like I said, I wasn't feeling it. But the next five minutes sorta make up for the first five with gratuitous naked breasts thanks to the back drop of the film taking place during Mardi Gras!

Ben (Joel Moore) isn't having a great time with his ...

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