Jennifer Tree (Elisha Cuthbert) is everywhere. Billboards, television, magazines…she IS America’s next top model. But here, the famous blond is unhappy. She hardly gets anytime to herself. While Jennifer’s depression sinks in it lowers her guard and leaves it just a little easier for her to be stalked. After a long day of photo shoots Jennifer goes to a very uppity club with her dog, (Yes people with her dog. I don’t get it either.) where she is drugged with an Appletini and subsequently kidnapped by our unseen villain…

When Jennifer wakes up, she hears the ocean and even sees the beach from where she lies. However, it’s all a clever ruse to throw her off guard. The ocean is nothing but sound effects and a projected beach image on a screen. Jennifer soon realizes she’s in a sort of prison and freaks out.

Jennifer is coerced into doing things like change her clothes and eat vitamins by an ever present host that she cannot see. When she’s a bad girl and doesn’t do as her captor bids, she is gassed and punished. And by punished I mean fed a blender of freshly pureed body parts forced down her throat via funnel. Um…eww. It’s kind of an awesomely grotesque scene. The other punishments are just as great…threatened with acid in the face or having to shoot her own dog or herself. I hated that dog anyway.

After what seems like a day of imprisonment, Jennifer realizes there is someone is a cell next to hers and she’s not in this alone. Gary (Daniel Gillies) thinks he’s been in his cell for at least three days. The two decide they’ll find a way out together. Eventually Gary and Jen form a bond just in time to find out it’s probably the last day they will be kept alive. This is where the film offers us a twist, all be it the most obvious one, but a twist none the less.

Captivity has a great premise and it’s gonna suck you in. I loved it. The torture games Jennifer is forced to play are a bit reminiscent of Saw, but the movie as a whole is interesting enough that you forgive its unoriginal nature. And the scenes at the very end of the film brings us full circle to the mummified tube tortured dude at the beginning …I’ll let you decide if you find it a bit hack. So, yeah, it got me. Captivity sucked me in and for the most part it’s a thrilling horror film, it certainly made me look over my shoulder as I sipped my next Appletini.

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1. Does it star Ashley Judd as the films heroine.

2. Is her mentor played by Denzel, Morgan, or Samuel L.?

3. Do you feel like you’ve seen this film before?

*SPOILER*

Most likely you have, just with a different title. This one is called “Twisted”, which I felt was misleading…the film is soooooooo predictable it should have been called “Samuel L Jackson Did It”…yeah, sorry to ruin the ending, but if you have half a brain you know he did it after the first 30mins of the movie.   *END*

Here’s the plot. Jessica Shepard (Ashley Judd) has nabbed a killer and a promotion to San Fran. Homocide. Her mentor/adopted father figure John Mills (Samuel L. Jackson) is very proud of her. Jessica is haunted by her fathers death and the murders he committed leading up to it. Jessica is starting to fall for her new partner Mike Delmarco (Andy Garcia). Right after the new job starts the dead bodies of Jessica’s one night stands start to pile up and she becomes the prime suspect in the killings.

The story lacks in the originality department and the over dramatics in this film are so intense you kind of expect the cast to literally start chewing scenery. From the first moment you start to think “If murder cases are this easy to solve why aren’t I a detective?” Made me feel like Nancy Drew.

Jason Creed (Joshua Close) is a college film maker. He’s currently making a horror film based on an old Mummy script. He doesn’t really like it, but it’s for a grade. We don’t see much of Jason during the actual film because he spends most of the time behind the camera as the documentarian or as he likes to call it the making of “The Death of Death.” The rest of his school mates are present…the two actors Tracey (Amy Ciupak Lalonde) and Andrew (Scott Wentworth), Jason’s reluctant crew…Michelle (Debra Moynihan), Ridley (Phillip Riccio), Mary (Tatiana Mislany) and Mr. Creed’s film professor. During their current late night filming in the damp woods news reports start to food in about the dead coming back to life. Have the crew thinks it’s a huge hoax until they hear hungry moans in the woods moving their way.

Much like any and all “of the Dead” films, the rest of the movie is about the unique survival story of the introduced characters. “Diary” is the perfect companion to “Dawn of the Dead” and even boasts a cameo of one of “Dawn’s” characters. If Mr. Romero can keep offering us sequels of this caliber I think maybe the franchise will stay alive for many more years. I for one would love to be around for “Cure of the Dead.”

It all starts with Shelley (Meagan Good) a college student studying in her back yard having a conversation on her cell phone next to her Coi Pond. No really, Shelley, a college student in what I think is Philadelphia where the rest of the film takes place, has a Japanese garden for a back yard. I’m not talking just pond but the house looks like it’s from The Grudge. Way to confuse the audience. Shelley is shortly dispatched by a pale white hand that drowns her and her cat in that very Coi Pond. I thought for a moment I might be watching one of those crappy Scary Movie sequels.

We meet Leanne (Azura Skye) who is grief stricken over the loss of her friend Shelley. In search of solace after Shelley’s funeral Leanne runs to her friend Beth (Shannyn Sossamon) to discuss her mysterious death that seems to have been considered a suicide. Whilst Beth and Leanne share stories about Shelley, Leanne receives a phone call with a ringtone that isn’t hers. Creepy, a ringtone you don’t recognize on your phone? Your service provider must be quaking in their khakis. Leanne doesn’t get a chance to answer it, hence One Missed Call. Both girls listen to the message in which they hear a cryptic message that is obviously Leanne’s voice. She says something about seeing things, there’s a small muffled scream and the phone cuts the message off.

I think that’s enough. If you really feel compelled to see this film I’m not going to ruin anymore of it for you. More people hear how their going to die and a detective (Ed Burns) shows up to help Beth find out what’s going on. Thank god I saw it on DVD because I would have walked out of the movie theatre and demanded a refund…making me One Pissed Patron.

A small group of office co-workers head out for a team building exercise in the deep woods near Hungry. The office they work for develops anti-terrorism devises. Their bus gets stopped on the way to the retreat by a fallen tree and the crew is forced, because of their idiot boss and a ridiculous argument between him and the bus driver, to walk the rest of the way to the cabin that their company has recently acquired. Well, the cabin is awful and nowhere near luxury. As they try to get to know one another better a tooth is found in a meat pie and a strange masked man is witnessed watching one of the women in her room. From there on out it turns into a murderous blood bath that no one has expected.

The black comedy aspect of Severance is brilliant. I don’t want to give away any of the twists, but we lose many main characters and the movie turns quickly into a survival piece with bear traps, shot guns and Hungarian prostitutes. It really is a must see for those who want witness the stereotypes from their 9 to 5 jobs be destroyed!

In the first movie the only survivors of the House were Eddie Baker and Sarah Wolfe. This sequel makes no mention of Eddie, but launches with the “suicide” of Sarah. Sarah’s sister Ariel (Amanda Righetti) visits her deceased sister’s apartment in search of clues as to why Sarah would do such a thing. Instead of finding clues she’s given a gory vision of her sister with a gaping hole in her facing telling her to “Help them.”

Turns out the House on the Hill is haunted because of a certain evil effigy hidden somewhere inside. What follows is an expedition into the insane asylum of Indiana Jones proportions. The plot is a bit ridiculous, but none the less enjoyable to watch. We get lots of gruesome death scenes thanks to the disturbed ghosts roaming the halls. There’s no lack of action.

I did want very badly to just love this film. But, it hasn’t the charm or personality of the first. Given “Return” was a straight to video offering with the novelty of interactive play, it still has some great effects and even a plot that makes it worth visiting the House on the Hill one more time. The best part? Well creepy old Dr. Vannacutt is still played by cult horror film star Jeffrey Combs. Remember him from Re-Animator? He doesn’t have any lines, but just like the first movie he wanders around in his doctor scrubs helping off nubile stragglers.   Ain’t medicine fun?

I was completely taken aback by this movie. I really didn’t know what to expect, and I’m not one to usually enjoy drama driven thrillers. They usually end up like The Bone Collector or even Kiss the Girls. Boo. Boo as in bad, not Boo as in scary. Right at Your Door is based on the present and constant looming horror of terrorism that we’re told to fear on a daily basis on the radio, television and internet. It’s the kind of story that scares you so bad that you can’t believe it would ever happen in real life. Then when it’s over, you’re pretty sure you’re not going to be able to sleep because the subject matter was truer than you were ready to believe.

A majority of the film is about Brad sealing himself and the gardener from next door, Alvaro (Tony Perez) in his home to keep any chemical gasses from leaking from reaching them. The tension mounts even more when reports of infection and the damage from downtown could spread and that anyone that was in the area during the explosion should report themselves to medical military personnel immediately. After these awful messages Lexi finds her way home, but because of what the radio said Brad won’t let her in.

Right at Your Door has a very small cast. But each performance is pretty amazing. Sure it’s a little manipulative in the sense that they use everything we read about dirty bombs and the possibility of something as bad as 9-11 happening ever again. But you can’t dismiss the human drama contained within the 90 minutes of this film. It even has the scariest stomach wrenching twist ending. Go and rent this movie now.

* Acting – 5
* Blood – 2
* Violence – 3
* Partying – 1
* Language – 4
* Humor – 2
* Predictability – 1
* Girls – 3
* Gore – 1
* Sexuality – 1
* Torture – 3
* Overall – 2

While Nicole is in the world’s most disgusting toilet she discovers some very disheartening things scribbled on the walls. Things about someone murdering someone husband. Something that says “I’m trapped here; he’ll never let me go.” She makes a quick go at the potty and runs out to find Jess, but Jess and the car are both gone. However the guy in the truck they had the run in with is back. The truck guy tries to run down Nicole and misses; as he drives off he throws Jess’s bloodied cell phone at her.

For the most of the film Nicole is trapped at the Rest Stop trying to find someway to get back to civilization or find her boyfriend. But in between long moments of waiting she meets random people at the Rest Stop that could or could not be ghosts.

Rest Stop has some good moments, but it never really gets, great. And when you realize the storyline is headed in a supernatural direction…it’s kind of hard not to lose interest. It’s inventive, I’ll give it that. And there’s a guest star role for Joey Lawrence. Who’s not going to giggle at that? But for the most part Rest Stop misses the mark.

P2 is a cat and mouse drama with the world’s most predictable plot turns. And what the hell happened to Wes Bently’s career? He went from his awesome debut in American Beauty to such crap as Ghost Rider and P2. That makes me want to cry a little. I performances are fine, but not enough to save a boring predictable film. One thing I really did like was one of the murder scenes is incredibly graphic, that was a surprise.

It’s Wayne’s (Sean Patrick Flanery) last day with the local law enforcement team. Things seem a little shaky for Wayne and his wife Cynthia (Kristen Booth). Everything looks up, but these have some issues to work through, and if there’s anything we’ve learned from horror films, if it’s your last day at any job and your about move on with your life…the doo doo is about to hit that proverbial fan. We meet the rest of the townsfolk; it’s a sleepy and small kind of country town. The locals try to live side by side with their Amish type neighbors. Then giant Ravens start attacking people.

I wish I had more to say. It’s not a complicated movie. The acting is horrible. The CGI of the birds is sort’ a embarrassing and usually out of sync with how the actors are relating to the bird attacks. If it wasn’t so bad it could be considered campy, but Kaw takes itself way too seriously for us to even giggle at. It is however consistent with the level of product that SciFi usually puts out as a movie of the week. So, is it a good or a bad thing that they feed us a constant stream of sub-par made for cable movies? Well, if they actually make Grandma’s Killer Purse, I for one will forgive.