by: ahf
Posted on 11.09.09 in All Horror Films
Release Date: 2007

The movie theater is in desperate need of more films that are more like events. Grindhouse not only invites you to see 2 off-the-wall, shoot-em-up, blood-and-guts, t-and-a fests, but, gives you an experience that most of this generation has never partaken of. The glory of the double feature and actually sitting in a theatre and seeing what is considered an exploitation film…well, except for Disney cartoons.

The screen is grainy and opens with what has become a Tarantino signature…the old school “feature presentation” interstitial, but before we get there we treated to a fake preview for a political Mexican shoot-out called “Machete.” There are rumors that “Machete” is being released soon in its entirety, but, no date has been set. After the preview we get a hot bloody in your face logo that spells out GRINDHOUSE. You dig? I did. So sit back, sip your cola, and cut a hole in your popcorn bucket, cuz this is gonna be a party.

Planet Terror, our first film offering, is a gassed up zombie gore fest that opens with hot little number Cherry Darling (Rose McGowen) giving us classic go-go while she cries. It’s hard to tell if the convoluted plot of Planet Terror is intentional or a beautiful accident. Either way we meet so many characters in the next 20mins it’s almost hard to keep track….El Wray (Freddy Roderigez) a gun fugitive, Dr. Dakota Block (Marley Shelton) a pro with needles, her insane husband (Josh Brolin), the sheriff (Micheal Biehn), his brother the man with the perfect BBQ sauce (Jeff Fahey), a testicle collecting chemical arms dealer (Naveen Andrews), an evil green gas addicted Lieutenant (Bruce Willis)…and Fergie. Whew! With everyone in place the town goes crazy with gas infected cannibal zombies called the “infected.” All the action culminates in some really rad-tasticly gory shoot outs and a riotous missing reel where we’ve missed many plot points. Everyone ends up jailed at a military compound held hostage by gassed up soldiers sniffing the green stuff from intricate backpacks. It’s up to El Wray to get the gang out. More action, plus Cherry (who lost her leg to cannibals earlier) gets a really sexy machine gun leg. Our heroes escape…some of them anyway, and end up with their backs against the ocean in a post apocalyptic world where they’ve been left to constantly battle the undead. Like I said….PARTY!

Immediately following Planet Terror is an intermission, but, you don’t wanna go anywhere. One of the best parts of the Grindhouse experience is the next 15 minutes of fake previews directed by some of the hottest horror directors including Rob Zombie and Eli Roth. There’s even a cheesy little add for a Mexican food place that could be next door to the theatre. After you’ve gotten your laughs and screams out from the coming attractions, part two of our Double Feature, Death Proof, starts.

Death Proof is certainly a far departure form the zombie horror you just saw. We get lots of hot chicks jawing to Tarantino dialogue. Ummm…it’s kind of a turn on. We meet three women. Jungle Julia (Sydney Poitier) the hottest radio DJ in Austin, TX, Shana (Jordan Ladd) it Shana Banana not Shawna Banona, and their friend from out of town Butterfly(Vanessa Ferlito). They’re out for a hot time, but Butterfly seems haunted by an ominous presence in the form of a scary looking black Dodge Charger with a skull and cross bones painted on the hood. Butterfly finds out Julia told all of Austin that she was in town and if a certain poem is said when a guy buys her a drink she has to give said guy a lap dance. Turns out the guy that gives Butterfly a drink and recites the poem is none other than the man who drives the scary car…Stunt Man Mike (Kurt Russell). Sticking to the crappy feel of Grindhouse, the missing reel contains the lap dance, and we’re offered the apologies of the management. Boo. The girls take off to a lake house and are followed by Stunt Man Mike, who turns out to have been following them. He passes them on the road, turns around and rams their car head on demolishing all four women in the car. Demolishing isn’t the word to use, when you see how these girls get destroyed…you’re jaw drops to the floor, left stuck in a sticky old puddle of soda. It’s fucking gruesome. Skip to part two and he’s stalking four new girls. The new girls (Rosario Dawson, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Zoe Bell, and Tracie Thoms) are all in the movie biz, two of which are gear heads and decide to play some road games in a borrowed Dodge Charger that is twin to the original muscle car in the film “Vanishing Point.” Here comes Stunt Man Mike, but is seems he’s met his match. These ladies fight back. What follows is the world’s best car chase scene. About 15 minutes of nitrous charged auto magic, ending in the caving in of Stunt Man Mikes skull with someone’s boot heel. The End.

The entire film runs about 3 hours. But is totally worth the numb bum. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Roderiquez nail the genre. Planet Terror is Robert’s masterpiece and Death Proof belongs to Quentin. They may be completely opposite subject matter, but absolutely belong together in this 180 minute mash up. The films are currently separated sans previews on DVD, which brings a tear to my eye. All we can do is hope for a Grindhouse DVD release. Until then you can see each film in it’s entirety with missing film reels. That’s right; Butterfly’s lap dance has been restored. Ha-cha.

* Acting – 5
* Blood – 5
* Violence – 5
* Partying – 3
* Language – 5
* Humor – 5
* Predictability – 4
* Girls – 5
* Gore – 5
* Sexuality – 5
* Torture – 3
* Overall – 4

• ★★★★★

  Acting:

• ★★★★★

  Blood:

• ★★★★★

  Violence:

• ★★★★★

  Partying:

• ★★★★★

  Language:

• ★★★★★

  Humor:

• ★★★★★

  Predictable:

• ★★★★★

  Girls:

• ★★★★★

  Gore:

• ★★★★★

  Sexuality:

• ★★★★★

  Torture:

• ★★★★★

  Overall: